I feel like God has picked me up by one foot to shake the faulty beliefs out of my pockets. Okay, maybe it’s not quite like that but God is shaking things up and my years of frustration and utter despair are starting to make sense. It’s amazing how much bad stuff can be caused by faulty beliefs, even when you’re a well-studied Christian.
Perhaps that’s the problem. No matter how much we think we know about God, the Bible, or theology systems, we can’t rely on those things for a firm footing—only Christ is our sure foundation. That is to say, the Bible is reliable and sure, but our understanding of it can be faulty on one (or many) points and these faulty beliefs can slowly erode our footing until we fall.
For the past few years, I’ve been desperate for help from God. I lost a long-held job because of a bipolar manic episode that got out of control and my insubordination forced my termination. I was subsequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but not without a couple more job losses. I have been financially destitute, and my anxiety levels have driven me to the brink.
Christians told me to “pray more” or “have more faith” or things like that. They meant well. It sounds good. But the underlying message is clear: if you’re having trouble, you’re not doing the right things to please God. If you’re unhealthy or poor, you need to do better to receive answers to prayer and blessings from God.
I published a couple dozen books, but the sales were next to zero. I felt like I was doing my part, but God wasn’t doing His part. I waited for God’s provision and it never came. I gave up on waiting and took matters into my own hands to try to sell more books, but I failed time and time again. I fell into the faulty belief system that I must need to do more to please God so He would bless me.
It was like being caught in a meat-grinder. I desperately wanted and needed God’s blessing but could not seem to obtain it. I was angry at God, but needed His help. I shifted the blame and felt God wanted to bless me, but people were unmoved by his promptings so I was angry at the very readers I was trying to sell books to. It has been an ugly time in my life. I’m sorry.
The good news is that I have re-discovered the Good News. Because of Christ’s work on the cross, I am in Christ and Christ is in me. God cannot love me any more than He already does and He has already given me all the blessings He could possibly give me.
I don’t have to earn God’s blessings. I don’t have to try harder or do more. It is finished. And that doesn’t just apply to salvation; it applies to all God’s blessings for my life.
I can rest. I don’t have to keep struggling like a drowning person. I can stop fighting God. I can rest in Him, knowing that He has already given me everything for life and godliness. That’s where I need to spend time praying—not to earn God’s blessing, but to accept that I am blessed and learn to feel blessed.
My circumstances haven’t changed, but God is changing me.
I just wanted to share what God’s doing in my heart this summer.
You are blessed,