Most of us start the year off trying to exercise more, if for no other reason than to lose the five pounds we gained from the holiday eggnog and pie. So it seems timely to share with you a paper my teenage nephew, Nathan MacQueen, wrote in December. It was a school assignment, so I expected to find a sterile explanation of health benefits from exercise. It wasn’t long, however, before I was laughing out loud.
As a writer (and an aunt) I’m so pleased to see his personal brand of humor developing in his writing. I asked him if I could share this with you.
The Benefits of Exercise
This paper is going to talk about some reasons that we need to exercise. Some of us need to exercise more than others. For example, if you work at a doughnut shop and they give you free doughnuts, you are more than likely going to need A LOT of exercise, but if you are a construction worker you probably do not need that much additional exercise.
Exercise does a lot of things for you. Some benefits include weight control; this would help the people who sit at desks all day. Exercise burns calories, that is why it helps weight control. As I have already said, this is good for the people that work at desks, they do not get as much energy burned with their job as others, like construction workers.
Also, if you have a health condition, even if it is a simple cold, exercise helps combat it. However, I think that if I am throwing up running on the treadmill might not be a good idea, make sure that you think these things through thoroughly. You probably do not want to clean barf up off a treadmill.
Exercise also improves your mood. For example, if you built an awesome snow fort yesterday (this paper was written in the winter) and then IT RAINS the next day you have at least two options. One, go cry in your closet; two, go exercise and get happy AND lose weight and all the other stuff in this paper. So next time, don’t take the closet, take the treadmill.
Exercise helps you get energy. This is kind of weird to think about. However, don’t take me wrong, if you go and sprint ten miles, you will PROBABLY get tired. In fact I KNOW that you will be tired, but if you run on the treadmill for ten to fifteen minutes, you will probably gain energy. Here is a hint, you probably do not want to exercise right before bed, if you want to sleep. Remember, on the whole, exercise helps produce energy
Exercise helps you sleep. Huh, you just read that energy helps you get energy but now I am saying that it helps you sleep?! Where did this come from? Think about it, if you exercise in the morning and then use all that energy during the day, you will probably be tired.
Exercise lowers stress. You know that big event that you forgot about and scheduled another big event on top of that one, and you have to be at each one, then your car blows a tire on the way. You get out to fix it and a semi plows into the back of your car. Start running! It lowers your stress level, though it might not totally work in this case. Please watch where you run in this case – stay on the shoulder of the freeway, DO NOT GO INTO TRAFFIC – if you do you might die, then you wouldn’t make it to those big events.
Exercising can also feel like fun. I know, I know – exercise, a chore. But once you start doing it, it’s actually not all that bad. Especially on bathroom cleaning day, this is because you can go exercise instead of cleaning the bathroom.
Exercise can also build intelligence, so if you are someone like Albert Einstein, you can probably skip this section. You are probably wondering, how? That is a very good question that you should probably ask someone else. I am just doing the benefits of exercise.
So, finally we come to some habits that you can build to help exercise. Try parking in the far corner at parking lots. This will make you walk a long ways. Especially when you come out of the store because you have always parked close, for ten minutes you will wander around the parking lot that is close to the store saying, “Where did it go?” Eventually you will call the police and tell them that your car was stolen, then you will wonder why they start laughing when they get there. When they point to the far corner of the parking lot and you see your car, your best response to avoid embarrassment is, “Well then, that was a stupid thief.” OK, that might not go EXACTLY like that, but then everything is possible.
You can also park at the top of a parking garage and use the stairs, this is not recommended if you have a stroller or little kids. With a stroller the stairs can be a pain, but the little kids (and some teenagers like myself) would start rioting because they didn’t get to push the button on the elevator.
Also, you can clean your house. Most of you probably already do this though, but try getting a puppy. They like to play with the broom when you are sweeping, this makes it take twice as long to sweep, and that means that you burn more energy.
Also, when you mow your lawn, use a push mower without self-propel. If you do not think that this is enough, buy a block of lead to attach to it, this will at least double the weight of the mower.
Ok, do you have some reasons to exercise now? I hope so. All in all exercise is good for your health, if you are smart about it. Remember, if you run to remove stress, stay out of traffic.
DISCLAIMER: PARTS OF THIS PAPER HAVE BEEN EXAGGERATED AND THINGS WILL PROBABLY NOT HAPPEN AS DESCRIBED, ANY RELATION TO ANY EVENT THAT YOU MAY HAVE EXPERIENCED IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND IS NOT AN ATTEMPT TO COPY ANYTHING THAT ANYONE HAS EXPERIENCED.
Mayo Clinic Staff. Exercise: 7 benefits of regular physical activity. 13 10 2016. Web. 6 12 2016.
Ph.D., Susan Krauss Whitbourne. 19 Reasons to Exercise. 12 5 2012. 6 12 2016.
Why we should exercise — and why we don’t. 10 2008. Web. 6 12 2016.