Have you ever had a bunch of yarn get all tangled up? You may have good intentions of straightening things out, but if you pull on the wrong thread it knots things up even worse than before. That’s how my life felt. I was tied in knots. I lost hope that I’d ever get untangled. Things in my life seemed so intertwined and dark. Dark colors of yarn are especially difficult to untangle.
Shadows of darkness had engulfed my mind. I wasn’t listening to God. I was listening to the negative thoughts from the Accuser and those negative thoughts became beliefs and expectations.
Past events in my life, both my sins and the sins committed against me, had left open wounds that festered and bred sinful attitudes and emotions. All the negative energy in my life acted as a magnet to attract other negatives and things became increasingly tangled. Despite my best efforts to untangle things, my life got worse instead of better.
I cried out to God for His provision in my life, but He never answered and I hit bottom and lost faith. If God wouldn’t help me, who would?
Then God prompted someone to get me into some Bible classes such as: Hearing God’s Voice, Counseled by God, and Prayers That Heal the Heart. These courses offered detailed assignments to help me identify the different strands of yarn that were tangled and I was able to pull on the right strands in the right order to get untangled.
First and foremost was restoring my ability to distinguish between thoughts from God and thoughts from the Accuser. Thoughts from God will resonate with the names of the Holy Spirit: Comforter, Advocate, Spirit of Truth, Counselor, etc. Thoughts from the Adversary will resonate with the names of Satan: Deceiver, Accuser, Murderer, Father of Lies, Thief, etc. Learning to make this distinction helped me untangle many thoughts because I could identify the source. That made untangling the knots much easier.
My next breakthrough came as I learned to look for opposites in my life. If I was experiencing anger, I could pray that God would fill my heart with love and forgiveness instead. If I was experiencing depression and hopelessness, I could pray that God would fill my heart with hope. Or if I was experiencing fear, I could ask God to fill my heart with faith. Instead of being lost in a particular attitude or emotion as if there were no other reality, I could look for the opposite of that emotion. It was like seeing light at the end of the tunnel and that light was Jesus!
Perhaps my single biggest breakthrough happened when I learned that the opposite of my doubt, unbelief, and fear was not exactly faith as I would expect. Rather, the answer I needed to heal the wounds of my doubt about God (why didn’t He…) was the fear of the Lord. The Bible mentions the fear of the Lord all the time, but I never really understood what it meant. God showed me a definition that really resonated with my heart: The fear of the Lord means God doesn’t owe me an explanation. That alone allowed me to let go of all my Whys and accept the things that have happened in my life. The fear of the Lord enabled me to allow past wounds to heal and fill those voids with God’s hope.
Many times our old wounds are like an open flesh wound that hasn’t healed up properly. Over time, it gets filled up with nasty debris and infection because we can’t heal the wound ourselves. Instead, we have to let God heal our wounded lives from the inside out. As God fills our hearts and minds with good things, it pushes the debris and infection out so the wound heals.
Some people call this deliverance from demons. That can be a scary term and one we often associate with theatrical displays of exorcism. Yes, God wants to deliver us from the powers of darkness in our lives. He did so for me! But it doesn’t often happen in theatrical ways. Once we allow God to fill our hearts and lives with good things, the powers of darkness have nothing left to hold on to. I like to think of them being washed away by a river of living water flowing through my life.
Regardless of how you want to characterize it, God has done a miracle in my life during the past six months. I have been healed and set free to serve Christ better. My life is no longer tied in knots. God healed wounds that have plagued me for decades. He replaced negative beliefs with positive ones. And He transformed my life. It’s like I’m alive again!
Because God has done this deep healing, I am free to be myself in ways I couldn’t in the past. My friends and family all comment on the change they see in me. I feel free. I have a sense of purpose. And I’m open to God. I feel amazing—alive!
Now I’m looking forward to a new ministry to help others be healed and set free to serve Christ better. The ministry is evolving at this young stage, but for starters I’d like to introduce you to the courses I took that God used to change my life. They’re part of the School of the Spirit offered by Christian Leadership University. I found these to be life-changing courses, but don’t take my word for it: check out their free course sampler to try the courses for yourself.